Timp de cincisprezece zile am fost imobilizat \u00een patul de spital, dup\u0103 accidentul de ma\u0219in\u0103 \u2014 cincisprezece zile lungi care s-au topit una \u00een cealalt\u0103 sub lumina rece a neoanelor \u0219i pe fundalul be\u021bi\u0219orului ritmic al aparatelor. Zilele se contopiser\u0103 \u00eentr-un lung anotimp al albului steril \u0219i al pauzelor dintre b\u0103t\u0103ile electronice, f\u0103r\u0103 \u00eenceput clar \u0219i f\u0103r\u0103 sf\u00e2r\u0219it bine definit.<\/p>\n
Corpul meu era r\u0103nit \u00een feluri pe care \u00eenc\u0103 nu le pricepeam pe deplin; fiecare mi\u0219care venea cu un pre\u021b, fiecare respirare p\u0103rea atent m\u0103surat\u0103 \u00een func\u021bie de durerea care pulsa sub piele. Mu\u0219chii nu-mi ascultau mereu poruncile, iar o parte din mine se sim\u021bea distan\u021bat\u0103, ca \u0219i cum a\u0219 privi dintr-o alt\u0103 camer\u0103 cu jaluzele trase. Vocile din jurul meu p\u0103trundeau ca printr-un zid moale de vat\u0103 \u2014 familia, asistentele, str\u0103ini \u2014 toate transformate \u00eentr-un zumzet neclar.<\/p>\n
Vocea mea disp\u0103ruse, captiv\u0103 undeva \u00eentre durere \u0219i medicamente. Nu era doar vorbirea fizic\u0103 care lipsea; era o alt\u0103 form\u0103 de t\u0103cere, o suspendare a identit\u0103\u021bii care se servea din puterea cuvintelor. \u00cencercam s\u0103 spun ceva \u0219i m\u0103 loveam mereu de o barier\u0103: g\u00e2tul era uscat, mintea \u00eence\u021bo\u0219at\u0103, buzele parc\u0103 lipite. \u00cencerc\u0103rile de a clarifica o idee sau de a cere ajutor se transformau rapid \u00een priviri comp\u0103timitoare \u0219i \u00een note luate pe un clipboard.<\/p>\n
Sub lumina artificial\u0103, formele oamenilor se estomipau \u0219i se transformau \u00een umbre precise: m\u00e2inile asistentei care schimba perfuziile, medicul care trecea pe coridor cu pa\u0219i hot\u0103r\u00e2\u021bi, fe\u021bele celor care veneau \u0219i plecau. Toate erau elemente ale unei lumi care func\u021biona dup\u0103 un ritm str\u0103in, marcat de bipurile constante \u0219i de roti\u021bele t\u0103cute ale aparatelor. C\u00e2nd \u00eenchideam ochii, nu reu\u0219eam s\u0103 scap de acel ritm, care b\u0103tea \u00een acela\u0219i mod cu o inim\u0103 prea obosit\u0103.<\/p>\n
Fiecare clip\u0103 petrecut\u0103 \u00een acele zile \u00eemi p\u0103rea multiplicat\u0103: aceea\u0219i lumin\u0103, acelea\u0219i sunete, acelea\u0219i mi\u0219c\u0103ri repetate. A\u0219tept\u0103rile se prelingeau \u00een \u0219uvi\u021be invizibile, iar zilele se transformau \u00eentr-o singur\u0103 durat\u0103 prelungit\u0103. Cifrele pierduser\u0103 sensul; \u00eemi r\u0103m\u00e2nea doar senza\u021bia de a fi prins \u00eentre un ieri dureros \u0219i un m\u00e2ine incert, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 pot rosti dec\u00e2t fragmente de g\u00e2nduri.<\/p>\n
Durerea f\u0103cea legea \u00een acea perioad\u0103: nu era o prezen\u021b\u0103 constant\u0103, ci un val care lovea din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, l\u0103s\u00e2nd dup\u0103 el o oboseal\u0103 grea. Analgezicele, diavolii nici prea bl\u00e2nzi, nici prea cruzi, schimbau intensitatea mi\u0219c\u0103rilor mele interioare. Uneori, un fragment de amintire se ivea limpede, apoi se estompa, luat de ame\u021beala medicamentelor. Alteori, era ca \u0219i cum a\u0219 fi plutit \u00eentre st\u0103ri, prizonier al aceluia\u0219i moment repetat la nesf\u00e2r\u0219it.<\/p>\n
\u00cen mijlocul acelui peisaj spitalicesc, lucrurile concrete se amestecau cu senza\u021biile \u0219i cu golurile de memorie. M\u00e2inile care m\u0103 atingeau pentru a verifica semnele vitale erau reale; mirosul antiseptic, palpabil; dar leg\u0103tura cu propria voce, cu propriul eu, era fragil\u0103, ca o sticl\u0103 sub\u021bire care tremur\u0103 la orice vibra\u021bie.<\/p>\n
Am tr\u0103it acele dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni ca pe o suspendare: erau acolo, dar nu \u00eemi apar\u021bineau complet. Fiecare medicament, fiecare schimbare de bandaj, fiecare consult p\u0103rea parte dintr-un ritual care m\u0103 \u021binea conectat la via\u021b\u0103, dar care nu-mi reda imediat ce pierdusem \u2014 ritmul firesc al exprim\u0103rii, sunetul natural al cuvintelor mele. Doctorii mi-au spus<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Timp de cincisprezece zile am fost imobilizat \u00een patul de spital, dup\u0103 accidentul de ma\u0219in\u0103 \u2014 cincisprezece zile lungi care s-au topit una \u00een cealalt\u0103 sub lumina rece a neoanelor \u0219i pe fundalul be\u021bi\u0219orului ritmic al aparatelor. Zilele se contopiser\u0103 \u00eentr-un lung anotimp al albului steril \u0219i al pauzelor dintre b\u0103t\u0103ile electronice, f\u0103r\u0103 \u00eenceput clar […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":26578,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-povesti"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26723"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26723\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26724,"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26723\/revisions\/26724"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/26578"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bumzi.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}